I Saw What I Saw

It has officially been a month since I have been back from my life changing trip to Rwanda. I can't believe that a month has flown by so quickly, and not a day has gone by without my heart aching and yearning for Rwanda. Coming back, I knew that I would really miss Rwanda, but I have done really well so far keeping it together while I miss my home away from home. Well, that is until last night. 

Some of the most beautiful people I have ever met. 

Currently I am working as the Director of Youth Programming at Mount Carmel Family Bible Camp in Alexandria, Minnesota. This week we have been blessed to have Peder Eide, Christian musician, lead us and teach us about growing in our faith as families. Tonight, he talked about the importance of serving others, and shared about his family's love for Compassion. For those of you who have never heard of Compassion, it is an organization that strives to help release children from poverty while teaching them about the love of Jesus. Peder had our staff pass out packets of children around the world, and I found myself holding the packet of Jane from Kenya. Jane is 11 years old, participates in church activities, goes to school, and loves to play ball games. She lives in an area that is flagged as high risk for children rights violations, and she has been waiting 12 months to receive a sponsorship. As I stared at this beautiful child of God in my hands, the emotions started to flood. All I could think of was all the children I left behind, who I pray and think about daily. The tears started to well up, and then the song I Saw What I Saw by Sara Groves, who is actually coming to our camp this week as well, started to play. She actually wrote this song after she spent time in Rwanda. believe it or not, I had no idea of this until after I got back. In that moment, I knew that Miss Jane would be part of my life, and I am now going to officially be her sponsor.

While in Rwanda, her song really spoke to me. I listened to her song on repeat every day, and now that I am at camp, I still find myself listening to it. Once it started playing, the flood banks open, and for the first time since my trip, I wallowed. Rwanda has really taken a big chunk of me, and I'm not sure how long I can wait before I need to go back. I know that talking about it helps some, but it also makes me want to go back sooner. I know that last night was probably one of the first of many times where the tears will make their way in, but I know that I need to remember. 

I would like to end this post with the lyrics and video to Sara's song:

I saw what I saw and I can't forget it
I heard what I heard and i can't go back
I know what I know and I can't deny it

something on the road, cut me to the soul

your pain has changed me
your dream inspires
your face a memory
your hope a fire
your courage asks me what I'm afraid of
and what I know of love

we've done what we've done and we can't erase it
we are what we are and it's more than enough
we have what we have but it's no substitution

something on the road, cut me to the soul

I say what I say with no hesitation
I have what I have but I'm giving it up
I do what I do with deep conviction

something on the road, cut me to the soul

your courage asks me what I’m afraid of
your courage asks me what I am made of
your courage asks me what I’m afraid of
and what I know of love
and what I know of God

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Lt_WpluguwE